Who Am I?

I used to know who I was, and what I wanted out of life.  Starting from the ground up, with a lot of new opportunities & possibilities open to me fills me with excitement, fear, wonder, and anxiety all at the same time.  I have to re-invent myself, and figure out what I want & what will make me happy.

I have so much work to do on myself, and so many changes ahead, that when I try to put it all together and make plans, I get overwhelmed & sometimes discouraged.  I have a lot of difficult challenges to face, and I am scared!  I still do not totally trust myself to make the "right" or "best" decisions after the mess I have made of my life.  I am lucky that I have my mother, a couple of friends I trust, and a good therapist to bounce ideas off of & get advice & support from; but ultimately, if I make another wrong move, the responsibility lies with ME.

I have to make sure I really learn lessons from my past mistakes, and that my decisions take into account all of the people who are important to me - primarily my children, my mother & my brother.  I want what is best for all of us and I am working hard to figure out what that is and make it happen.  It is a lot of PRESSURE - and coming out of a pressure-cooker of a marraige has left me weak in the face of it.  I used to be such a "ball-buster" and lately I am like a wet noodle....  I have to learn to stand up for myself all over again and regain some semblance of self-confidence.

I still get bogged down now & then with small stuff, and petty BS - but I am working hard to SQUASH it.  I can't afford to waste time on unproductive thoughts when I have so many pressing decisions to make that are REAL and life-changing!!!