I was miserable during the last 6-8 months of my marraige to BH. I was constantly on the phone with my sis-in-law & mother discussing all of the craziness that went on in my life, lamenting the decisions that brought me there, planning & plotting to escape... I would email my mother & brother potential rental listings... I even almost left last September - to the point where I went out & looked at houses & told BH it was over, but then chickened out.
But now, when I am feeling so raw & wounded, and sad, and lonely.... I start thinking that even though I was miserable then, I might have been happier or better off than I am now... So I need to make a list of some of the things I hated about my life with BH, some of the crazy things I witnessed, and things I hated about BH in general to snap me back to reality...
I hated BH's simmering anger... it was always there, lurking. For example, he installed a new dishwasher (that I am still f*^(ing paying for on a Home Depot card!!!) incorrectly. The next day, it leaked all over & buckled some of the laminate floors in the kitchen. I was so scared of his reaction, I brought my kids to their dad's house & had to call my bro-in-law because I wanted to keep him on stand-by if BH got out of hand. And even though HE installed it wrong, he still tried to blame me for everything - AS USUAL.
Because another one of his faults was that he could NEVER take responsibility for ANYTHING that he did wrong. And there were always special circumstances that made the rules not apply to him. He loved to rant & rave about people sitting around on welfare, etc, yet the reason why his name is not on his younger son's birth certificate is because his live-in baby-mama did not have health insurance and had to go on medicaid for the pregnancy/birth, and then used WIC for free formula & groceries; aparently if he was listed as the father on the BC he would have been responsible for half of the medical bills & they might not have qualified for WIC! In addition, the kid does not have BH's last name, which of course he rants & raves about & declares that he will cut him off in every way if he doesn't change his name when he becomes of age.
Any task or chore around the house that he found undesirable, he put on someone, anyone else. He would call his older son (aka his slave) from another room in the back of the house just to pour him a drink! Once I moved out, when the dogs woke him up at 5AM (this is when I would still stay over on occasion) instead of getting up himself & dealing with it, he would wake up his son (aka slave) & make him let the dogs out. HELLO??! You are up already, just deal with it! Why wake a sleeping teenager who has school later that day? A$$HOLE!!!! And when the dogs would have an accident (which happened constantly!) instead of cleaning it himself, he would announce it & expect me or his son or just ANYONE else to deal with it!!!
Every night his younger son was there, dinner was a nightmare. I did my best to make something palatable for him, because BH was "going to break him" no matter what & make him eat whatever was put in front of him. He put him (and the rest of us) through hours & hours of tortuous ordeals of that kid whining & crying & screaming & he would force-feed him sometimes until he puked. It was HORRIFIC. He WOULD NOT listen to me when I BEGGED him to stop putting all of us through that. Of course as soon as I moved out, and he was doing the single dad thing without me to slave away in the kitchen, he would let him have waffles for dinner. If you knew how many BULLS*%T lectures I had to endure about how nobody is allowed to get special meals, and how he made me implement that rule for all, including MY picky-eater son.... And how f*&%ed-up his ex was for letting his kid have whatever he wanted when he was with her....... It is F&#*ing INFURIATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow. Just wow. Those are just a few examples of the BS I endured, and my blood is boiling as I relive it! I have to take a break before I stroke out... To Be Continued.....
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