BH said a lot of things to try and get me to stay with him... and when I am feeling scared, or lonely, or sad, those "tapes" play in my head...
Why can't you just love me for me?
Why can't you just be happy and be my wife?
I want to grow old with you...
I'll never cheat on you....
I look forward to being with you every day...
I am excited to see you every day when I come home from work...
You are my favorite person in the whole world....
You'll never find anyone who loves you like I do...
You'll never have the kind of passion we have with anyone else...
You've never been single as an adult - you are going to be alone & lonely for a long time...
You will never find anyone you are actually going to be interested in dating here...
You are so spoiled, you will never make it on your own...
Anyone you date at this age has baggage - mine is no worse than anyone else's that you will meet...
You think you are unhappy now, you will still be unhappy when you are alone, just for different reasons...
You will wake up in a month or two and realize you made a big mistake, but it will be too late...
As I sit here alone, feeling lonely, I start believeing those prophecies, questioning what's wrong with me, wondering what I could have done better/different, blaming myself for the failure of the relationship...... I know my self-esteem and self-worth were crushed by my relationship with BH. I couldn't wait to get out from under his control, but now that I have my freedom, I have no idea what to do with it!!! I know that I DO NOT want BH back, I DO NOT want anything to do with his life, but I can't figure out what I DO want.....
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