Fingers Crossed

I am not sure what is happening right now.

My mother left last Friday, and I have been a crying, miserable mess.... until Thursday afternoon.

I was feeling SO desperate this past week (I did the "fake" text, called ex sis-on-law who THANK GOODNESS was not home...) and crazy, and stuck...

But all of a sudden, a calmness has come over me. I have not cried since Thursday AM (a record since I went NC!) & I feel like I have truly accepted that BH & I are over. I cannot say I am not thinking about him at all, but my thoughts are different.... and leading me to thoughts about what I need to do to create a happy life for myself & to NEVER accept being in a relationship with someone who wants to control me EVER. AGAIN.

I actually found myself driving around in a good mood yesterday afternoon -- & I was like, OMG! I can't remember the last time I was just happy & OK like this...

So, I am feeling cautiously optimistc right now. And a little nervous.... I don't want to crash again & go back to feeling desperate & hopeless like I was. I hope I am simply on my way to healing....

>>fingers crossed<<