I have been having a lot of ups and downs. Sometimes I think I am just outright going crazy!
I am definitely leaning towards bitterness these days... I left BH, my life has been decimated, and he has just moved right along in his life - right on to his next victim.
Meanwhile, I moved to this town which I hate, just to be with him, and now I am stuck here. When we got together, I had no debt, & over $30,000 in the bank... Now I have no $$, and $15,000 of debt. ALL OF THAT IN 3 YEARS!!!! I paid off lawyers fees for him, spent $11,000 to avoid a lien being placed on his house (because we were trying to sell it & purchase a bigger house 2gether...) I could go on & on.... He did not outright use me, because he intended on me being his victim forever, but he was (is) just a narcisisstic TAKER!!! AND the debt he incurred during our relationship (& debts that were there b4 me...) he is walking away from & declaring bankruptcy!!!
It really BURNS MY ASS that I am struggling SO HARD emotionally & financially, and that a$$hole BH is moving on with NO CONSEQUENCES! *^*&^#%&%#&*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I spend a lot of time feeling lonely & sad & empty... I am having trouble figuring out what goals to even strive for... what the hell even interests me... & I am not AT ALL comfortable being by myself! I posted a profile on a dating site even though I know I am not really ready to date, just to feel like someone might want me... how sad & desperate is that?!?!
And I am tired of waking up every day & feeling that cloud settle over my heart.... I have to fight my way back to a decent state of mind every morning.... When will I wake up happy again??? I can't even remember the last time I just woke up happy & excited for the future...... I want to be there again, I just don't know how!!
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